Discipline for LIfe: Getting it Right with Children

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And when we pay tiding, there are endless blessings available to us in this life and in the next. Three simple steps. First step, you need to have clear expectations and communicate them regularly.

I am constantly asking myself what do I expect of my children? And it changes as they grow up and as they change and as our family dynamic and our needs change.

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So what do I expect of my children? The more clear and specific you can be, the better. You may even include them on helping to define what the expectations are.

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It can definitely be a family discussion. Again, depending on your children and their ages and things. Some of that might be useful but some of that may not. You get to choose for yourself what you expect. Step number two is to outline what will be the rewards and or consequences for following or not following the expectations.

There are definitely consequences for not following some of our basic expectations. Now, I am a big fan of the Love and Logic parenting series. You can check out any of the Love and Logic books if you want to learn more about their approach.

I realize that. I realize this is easier said than done, but so many times as parents we swoop in and rescue them from those consequences, which causes them to miss out on the opportunity to learn how to manage their behaviors based on rational thinking. So outlining consequences and rewards. This can be fun, you guys. Like I said, sit down with your family and figure it out together when appropriate. Keep it simple.

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I also recommend that if possible, you make it easy for the child to self-assess and that you give the child some, what we call, freedom within a framework. So again, this is all age dependent and child dependent, but when necessary, you want to make them feel a part of the process and we want to respect them as we outline expectations, consequences, and rewards.

Alright, the third and final step then is to enforce those consequences or rewards. These are some of the things I coach on really regularly. So here are some of the reasons I hear. But that may or may not change their behavior. It may not. There are certain things, I should say, there are plenty of things that are not easy for me. But a lot of the things that I choose to spend my time doing have come pretty easily and so I tend to want everything to be easy. And this is human nature, of course, right? What if I was okay with it being hard?

Somebody posted on Instagram in reply to one of my quotes recently, this quote that I thought was so brilliant. If you do easy things, your life will be hard. And so I want to offer to you that you do not have to be mad do discipline your child. Did you know this? And you can be calm and loving and kind and compassionate and still discipline your child. Such a bummer. But I love you too much no to be a good mom to you. I get that. It comes up in the moment. And you can, or you can just skip the freak out part and you can go right to the part where you start thinking logically about how to be the parent now.

What Is Positive Discipline? - How to Use Positive Discipline As a Parent

You start thinking about, okay, well, is there some problem-solving that needs to happen now? Do I want to hold them accountable in some way? Do I need to set some boundaries with this child? Love holds kids accountable and love steps up and does our job. It just means that we get to be in love and righteousness if we want to.

Disciplining Your Child With Special Needs

I want to wrap up by emphasizing what President Eyring said just this past general conference in his talk, if you listened to his talk. This was at the very end of his talk, and he basically was quoting another general authority. It gives true-to-life examples for parents of all ages, for caregivers and preschool teachers, and for kindergarten to high school classroom teachers.

Do we reward or bribe a child and inadvertently teach him to guide his behavior with the question, "What will I get? Do we use power and control and teach a child to behave only when someone else makes her? Will our teenager drive safely only when there is a police car in sight? In the parenting-philosophy sense, no, no one really subscribes purposefully to a system of Negative Discipline. But there are discipline methods that are overwhelmingly negative. Children raised with negative discipline tend to be more anxious, depressed, and aggressive.

They also struggle socially and academically. Punishment focuses on what not to do, while positive discipline teaches children what to do in a kind, respectful, and empowering way. This is especially true over the long-term.

A.C.T. (Acknowledge, Connect, Teach) instead of React: 3 Simple Steps to Positive Discipline

This is especially true of parents who were raised by authoritarian or permissive parents, since the style involves a lot of communication. And you also have to make sure you're offering the right kinds of rewards. Kyle Pruett, M. Positive Discipline requires frequent check-ins regarding how parents are sticking to — or not sticking to — the program.

Parenting Tips - How to Discipline Children - Parents

You can see a schedule here. It's also helpful to know that our children learn how to manage and regulate their emotions by how we manage and regulate ours, so modeling the very behavior we want to see is important. Positive Discipline is often used in the classroom as a way of managing class behavior. If teachers can do it for a classroom of dozens of kids, you can certainly do it at home.